WHO'S
WHO AND THEIR DUTIES
There are many people who can take part in your
wedding. Their degree of participation can vary immensely. This
is merely an outline of some of the more traditional duties of
people at most formal weddings - it is entirely up to you as to
who you want and what you want them to do at your wedding.
THE BRIDE
After the style, date and place of your wedding and reception
has been established and you have visited your clergyman to
confirm the date and go through the ceremony details with
him, it's time to choose the people you would like to help
you. You should make a guest list and your invitation
announcements and enclosure cards should be ordered. You
should decide on your wedding gown and your attendants'
dresses. You might select a small gift for your attendants as
mementos and you should be prepared to write a small personal
note of appreciation for each gift you receive.
THE GROOM
After you set the date, you should compile your guest list
and select your best man, ushers, and choose what they will
wear. It is your responsibility to get the marriage license
and other necessary documents and make all the arrangements
for your wedding trip. On the wedding day, your chief concern
will be getting to the ceremony on time. Your best man should
be able to take care of everything. It is necessary to go
over your wedding plans thoroughly with him so that he will
know exactly what to do.
Some men feel that the wedding is something they have to do
because they have to. They feel it's only a duty they fulfill
to make the bride happy. That attitude is not the best way to
start off a relationship. You get married to share things,
don't you? This is a good time to begin. By actively
participating in the planning and functions before and on the
wedding day, you can start things off together and start it
off right. One of the things you can do is keep in contact
with your bride all through the hectic planning stages and
keep her spirits up and her thoughts happy. Let her know you
care about what is important to her and remember that the
wedding is your day too. Make it one of your best days.
One of your major tasks is planning the honeymoon.
Transportation, hotel reservations and time schedules should
be taken care of.
Choose your attendants and plan and order their outfits and
your own.
Arrange for out-of-town people accommodations
If your parents are giving a rehearsal dinner, plan it out
with them.
Talk to the clergyman, the musicians if you are interested
and select the rings. These times are perfect for lunches and
dinners together.
Get your financial affairs in order. Make any adjustments in
your insurance policies you need to make. Open any new
checking or savings accounts you will need.
Buy gifts for your best man and ushers.
Meet with your best man and make certain of his duties.
Make plans to pick up the marriage license with your bride.
Make sure all other necessary documents - passport, birth
certificates, record of blood tests - are in order.
Make plans for your bachelor party if you are giving one.
Plan to pay the clergyman or give the money to your, best
man. You can pay the clergyman anytime but traditionally, you
usually will place his fee in an envelope with his name on it
and give it to your best man to give to him at the most
convenient time. A call to the church office's secretary
usually uncovers the expected amount.
Make any necessary arrangements for your new house.
Arrange all transportation for the wedding day. (Delegate
what duties you can to your best man).
1. Recheck all documents,
financial arrangements, travel arrangements, and
moving plans.
2. Make sure your outfits are in
order and ready to be delivered.
3. Make sure your best man and
ushers are aware of their schedules and
responsibilities. Especially your bestman!
4. Make sure you have everything
packed away that you'll need on your honeymoon.
5. Show up at the church at least
45 minutes before the wedding.
THE GROOM AND HIS ATTENDANTS
The wedding clothes for the men vary with the time of day and
degree of formality of the wedding, but in essence, men's
clothes remain rather traditional.
In very formal affairs, the traditional attire still is the
black tailcoat and trousers with satin stripes, a white
single-breasted waistcoat, a dressy evening shirt with wing
collar and cuff links, pearl studs, instead of buttons, and a
white tie - always the traditional formal bow tie. Patent
leather tie shoes or pumps are worn with black dress socks. A
high silk hat and white gloves are optional.
Nowadays, all the mens wear is usually
always rented unless the wedding is an informal wedding in
which a plain dark suit could be worn. Most rental agencies
are equipped to service any type of formal affairs. Colors
and styles are rapidly becoming popular. Men are selecting
what they like to wear and what looks best on them rather
than relying solely on tradition. Your rental agency who
specializes in renting formal wear can show you a number of
colors and styles just right for you.
The attendants and the father of the bride
always wear what the groom selects. If the father of the
groom plans to be in the receiving line, he should wear what
everyone else wears.
Rental outfits should be ordered about 4
to 6 weeks before the wedding. Out-of -town attendants can
send in their measurements. The men should try out their
outfits a few days before the wedding to make sure everything
is right.
Some helpful hints are:
1. The shirt collar should hug the
neck. The shirt sleeves should extend no more than
one-half inch beyond the jacket sleeve.
2. Jackets should button easily
and not pull in any way.
3. Trousers should touch the vamps
of shoes.
4, Black shoes and socks are worn
with dark clothes; light-colored shoes and pastel or
light socks are worn with light trousers.
5. The ring-bearer can wear a
dress suit with long or short pants in navy blue or
white in summer. Sometimes an outfit identical to
that of the groomsmen can be rented.
MAID OF HONOR
The Maid (unmarried) or Matron of Honor (person that's
married) is the bride's personal attendant during the whole
affair. Yes, the bride may have one each. She sees that
everything is going smoothly, comforts the bride, holds the
bride's bouquet
during the ceremony, and keeps the groom's ring as well. She
may be distinguished from the bridesmaids by a variation in
the style and color of her dress and flowers, Her main
function is to see that the bride is happy and that the rest
of the bridesmaids are properly dressed and at the church on
time. She is also usually one of the two official witnesses
to sign the marriage certificate. The law in California
states that one person over 18 must sign the marriage
license.
The bride may ask her to go with her to several of the
vendors for advise and opinion, especially if for some reason
the groom can't go with her. She is responsible for making
sure the bride has at least one bridal shower. Showers can be
thrown by her close friends, relatives, and the girls in the
bridal party. On wedding day, as tradition has it, she is to
make sure the bride keeps on schedule and gets to the church
on time (the photographer will love her for this, as well).
Also, make sure the bride gets something to eat. The main
reason people pass out during ceremonies is no food in their
stomach; 2nd reason is locking the knees. During her portrait
session with the photographer, if on wedding day, she makes
sure her hair and makeup are as the bride wants it. Sometimes
during the reception, when the Best Man offers a toast, the
Maid of Honor is also asked if she would like to say
something. Sometimes, but not often. If the bride and groom
have a money dance she should hold the pins, if that is how
the bride wants the money affixed. Or, she may just hold a
money bag.
THE BEST MAN
In olden days a groom would select a close friend of his who
was supposed to stand guard in case some old suitor of the
bride or competitor would try to steal the bride away before
the ceremony was over. So he stood by the groom with his hand
on his sword.
Today the Best Man is the indispensable
chief of staff at the wedding. He is the Master of Ceremonies and Toastmaster of the reception and personal valet
and adviser to the groom. He makes certain the groom is
properly dressed and at the church on time. He takes charge
of the marriage license (which he signs), and the bride's
wedding ring: producing each at the proper time. He takes the
minister's fee and the organist's fee from the groom and
presents it to the clergyman in a sealed envelope at the
first opportune moment. He may also supervise the ushers,
making sure that they are properly dressed and thoroughly
briefed and at the ceremony site at the appointed time.
At the reception, he makes the toasts which
is usually a wish for health, happiness, and prosperity. He
reads telegrams and makes announcements and introductions. He
makes sure the reception runs smoothly and that no practical
jokes are played on the bride and groom.
The final responsibility is to get the
newlyweds off to a smooth start on their honeymoon. He helps
the groom change into his going-away clothes (the next day he
may take all the rental clothes back to the outfitter) and
may assist with last-minute packing. He takes charge of the
luggage, seeing that it is safely locked in the honeymoon car
or checked ahead at the station or airport. He can help the
bride and groom into the getaway car or drive you to the
airport. He must make certain everything is in order like
keys, tickets, and baggage checks. The best man has a great
deal of responsibility and should be made aware of his duties
so he can prepare himself.
THE BRIDESMAIDS
The number of bridesmaids you have depends on the style and
size of your wedding. You can choose anyone you want though
it is customary to ask your closest friends and relatives of
approximate age. Girls ranging in age from 11 to 16 can be
junior bridesmaids. Often a relative from the groom's family
- his sister or a favorite cousin is invited as a bridesmaid.
Although bridesmaids have no specific
pre-wedding duties, they usually offer to run errands,
address envelopes, and help the bride in any way they can.
They are invited to all the pre-wedding parties and may give
one if they wish. Bridesmaids are responsible for assembling
and paying for their own wedding outfits and other expenses
except the flowers. It is acceptable for the bride or her
parents to pay expenses for any or all the bridesmaids, but
it is seldom done.
USHERS
Ushers selected by the groom are part of the bridal
procession. They escort guests as they arrive and exit, and
like the bridesmaids, should show concern for the guests.
Allow one usher per 40 guests as a rule. Groomsmen provide
their own clothing, either purchased or rented. It is
advisable to have the ushers arrive at the ceremony 45
minutes to an hour beforehand. The number of ushers need not
match the number of bridesmaids unless you plan to have them
walk together in the recessional.
1. Before the ceremony
A. Be at the church
three-quarters of an hour before the wedding
hour, unless the wedding is a small one of less
than 50 guests, when a half-hour in advance is
ample.
B. If there are candles to be
lit, light them just before the guests start
arriving, beginning with altar candles.
2. Ushering before the ceremony.
A. As the guests arrive, the
usher asks each lady "Are you a friend or a
relative?" Next, he asks "Of the bride
or groom?" Then he offers his right arm to
the lady, holding his hand loosely across his
chest and ushers them to the proper place. If she
is accompanied by a gentleman, the usher asks the
gentleman to follow them.
B. A gentleman alone is rarely
ushered to a seat but should be directed to the
proper place.
C. An usher is never stiff in
manner, but smiles and chats with the guests as
he ushers them, and then pauses for a moment at
the end of the pew while the guests are being
seated.
D. If two or more women arrive
together, the usher offers his arm to the nearest
or eldest and asks the others to follow behind.
E. If anyone seems embarrassed
or refuses to take the usher's arm after
obviously being offered it, the usher should
ignore the whole matter and just ask her to
follow.
F. If a person does not wish
to be ushered but desires to find his or her own
seat, that is permissible, provided he or she
does not choose the seats reserved for relatives.
3. The Ceremony
A. Grandparents are ushered in
just before mothers.
B. The groom's mother is
ushered to the first pew on the right, the
groom's father following.
C. The bride's mother is
ushered to the first pew on the left. No more
guests are ushered in after she is seated. Late
comers may use the side aisles and be directed by
the ushers.
D .If it is not already laid
out, following the second solo, the white runner
is to be laid along the aisle, if it is to be
used.
E. The head usher signals the
organist.
F. Ushers go down the center
aisle in pairs or single file and take their
appointed places.
G. After the introductory
melody of the wedding march, the first bridesmaid
proceeds down the aisle.
4. After the Ceremony
A. Immediately after the
recessional, the parents of the bride and groom
are escorted to the rear of the church. One usher
offers his arm to the bride's mother, while her
father or escort follows immediately behind.
B. Another usher using the
same procedure follows with the groom's parents.
C. As soon as the bride's and
groom's parents have been ushered out, two ushers
immediately come forward and indicate, pew by
pew, that the guests may leave.
THIS SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE USHERS
AT REHEARSAL
CHILD ATTENDANTS
Children can add lots of charm to a
wedding but they may also cause some problems. A shy or
frightened child may balk or cry at the moment when they have
to walk down the aisle or may cause some disturbance during
the ceremony. Poise and maturity should be a major factor in
your choice of children.
The Flower Girl carries a little basket
with rose petals or a small bouquet or a little
flower-covered muff.
The Ring Bearer carries a white satin
pillow with the bride's ring (preferably not the real one)
tied to the center with ribbons.
Pages or Trainbearers always come in pairs
about the same size. They are also used when the bride has a
long train.
Child attendants must attend the rehearsal
so they can practice their parts. It is a good time to find
out if they will be able to do it.
THE BRIDE'S MOTHER
Your mother can help you compile the guest list, arrange the
details of the wedding and reception and selection of your
wedding outfit. Your mother is the official hostess for the
wedding. She is privileged to sit in the very first pew on
the bride's side of the aisle. She is the last person to be
escorted to her seat before the wedding and the first to be
ushered out after it is over. When she is hostess for the
reception, she greets all the guests at the head of the
receiving line, and sits in the place of honor at the
parent's table. When you are ready to leave the reception,
your mother should be granted a few minutes alone with you to
say goodbye.
THE BRIDE'S FATHER
Your father is your escort from your house to the church and
walks you down the aisle to the altar. After giving you away,
he joins your mother in the first row. As the official host
of the reception, he mingles with the guests and is the last
one to leave the reception and the one who bids the guests
goodbye. It is customary for your father's dress to conform
to that of the groom.
If your parents are divorced,
your father may still give you away. Instead of sitting with
your mother, however, he would sit in the third row.
If your father is not living, you may ask
any relative or friend or your mother to give you away.
THE GROOM'S PARENTS
The Groom's parents should contact the bride and her parents
when the couple becomes engaged, and invite them for at a
given time. If the bride lives in another city, a note should
be written to welcome her into the groom's family. A cordial
note should also be written to her parents.
A tea or some party should be given for
the bride.
Traditionally, the bride's parents assume
the major expense of the wedding. Since the size of the
wedding is often dictated by what the bride's parents can
afford, it is wise for the groom and his parents to limit
their guest list to the number of people that the bride's
family suggests.
A rehearsal party or dinner may be given
by the groom's family.
THE SPECIAL AIDE
Contributing to the overall success of the wedding and
reception should be some kind of supervisor-general, usually
a relative or good friend. Such a person can graciously
handle the details of the receiving line, signal the time to
cut the cake, make the toasts, start the music for the first
dance, remind others of the order of dances, and see that
pictures are taken of everyone the bride and groom want
pictures of. Anyone may serve in this capacity but the best
person is usually someone with experience like a wedding
coordinator, but whoever you choose to make your wedding run
smoothly, give them complete charge with the understanding
that the person not offend anyone in their zeal or upstage
any of the principals, most notably the mother of the bride,
who is the official hostess.
SPECIAL ATTENDANTS
Young Boys - These younger attendants might also distribute
mass books or Yamulkes, give out packets of rice, light
candles, serve as acolytes.
Young Girls might keep the bride's book or assist in serving
refreshments at the reception.
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